Beam your phone up with these great ringtones from the Star Trek tv series. Everyone loves a good comeback story. A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. "Don't get your panties in a bunch." I cant suck something that doesnt exist. 94. you grow on people But then again, so does cancer. Do your parents even realize theyre living proof that two wrongs dont make a right? (Part 1), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions That Get The Answers. I think you already know that you are a social worker. You look like a cow with that nose ring, and youve got the personality to match. That hurt almost as much as looking at your face. Guy: So what do you do for a living?Girl: Female impersonator. Thats the essence of it.. That is where most accidents happen. I see youre still making stupid decisions like talking to me. I consider you something a vulture would eat. If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, Id turn back around. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. I only take you everywhere I go, so I dont have to kiss you goodbye. Funny Insults. 82. I can only please one person a day. Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.Girl: Yes, but would you stay there? You bring everyone so much joy when you. Guy: Hey, baby, Whats your sign?Girl: Stop. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. You can attract bees with honey; in your case, its flies and faeces. "Our time together has just become more effort than you're worth." Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?" What are you doing here? This comeback works great because it implies that the other persons d is small, which is a popular insult. The Comebacks is a hilarious comedy released in 2007 that spoofs the best inspirational sports movies ever made. You're twice the d*ck you were yesterday. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges. Not when you are around, but once you leave. You have an old soul, think about it, your face is old too. (dtmandd ) adjective. Pay no heed to it. Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. "That's what she said" Download "Dirty mind" Sound: Download Sound. A fool is the same all year round, and we celebrate you on April 1st. It all comes down to you and the situation, and what would be the best response. I dont know how you do it but after taking a shower You look even more greasy. Because your days are numbered!" If I had a face like yours, Id sue my parents. "It's called "Fuck Off" and its located over there." Your email address will not be published. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 50 Funniest Comebacks, Burns & InsultsMERCHhttps://thelaughplanet.creator-spring.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/Youtube Chan. This will likely leave them dumbfounded. Too bad most of them are hookers. I dont have the time or the crayons to explain this to you on your level. In fact in your case theyre nothing. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Dont you have a terribly empty feeling in your skull? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? You couldnt pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom. You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. You must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. dirty minded comebacks May 11, 2022 | How is a woman like a road? It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Too bad nobody else does. Nice dress. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? Hold up, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? I think Ive seen you before, but Im pretty sure I had to pay admission last time. I still have mine. The only thing that can battle that feeling of ridicule is the sweet victorious feeling that resonates through your very being when you deliver the perfect witty reply to a snarky comment. (May contain spoilers) document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Our site includes quite a bit of content, so if you're having an issue finding what you're looking for, go on ahead and use that search feature there! These comebacks are best for those situations where you don't just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. "Keep Your opinions to yourself" I dont mind you talking too much. Have insults and a tactful return ready just in case. 92. Two wrongs dont make a right. When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you? If I had a dollar for every time you said something brilliant, Id be broke. I can't suck something that doesn't exist. Total Money Magnetism Full Review & Recommendation, Pure Natural Healing Review A Detailed Look, How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU, How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room, 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend, 12 types of humor you can use and how it affects the people around you, How to be funny and make people love your company, 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use, How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever, 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor, The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company. We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we've been married for ten years. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. Youre cute. 4. Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone. Im not a nerd. By You sure have a stately shelf for men. When it comes to comebacks, the dirtier the better. Stand still so I can hit you with my truck. Im jealous of all the people who havent met you. Are you sure? If youre going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Brains aren't everything. 36 Dirty Pics For You Filthy Freaks. Long story short, because you wouldnt be able to follow with the long one. Wife: "Go to hell." Me: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" I used to think you had a sore throat. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: Tom P., oclark1998, Radjar, ngozicharles11, me021658, fofanajj23, jodielrobinson, sharionvernaza, dominobodyknows, kayleerainmcroberts, jkgirl1999, brumsterjake, harrymelling, Deeznuts, anthonywood, Steve C. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. Youre a pain in the neck. Lets play house. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. 39. 70. I treasure the time I dont spend with you. 59. Guy: Does beauty run in your family?Girl: It obviously doesnt in yours! Guy: Would you like to dance?Girl: Not with you.Guy: Oh, come on. Seriously, your mouth is so foul! How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? Your hair looks great! Let's go to the zoo. Only someone as dirty-minded as you would interpret it that way. RECOMMENDED . Tomorrow isnt looking good either. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. How did you get here? Hey, where did you get your nose from? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts, Feeling Unappreciated? If you dont like me, acquire some taste. Did someone leave your cage open? Which way did you come in? Im not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a bucket of water, Id probably drink it. Like my dog. 55 Good Roasts. You couldnt handle me even if I came with instructions. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing." Im sorry, I didnt realize you were still breathing. Sometimes thinking hard can be difficult. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? 84. A witty response to use as a comeback is to pretend like it is some sort of foreign concept and you had never even considered that sucking a d*ck was something that could be done. 357 Best Know Your Worth Quotes (For Increasing Self-Value), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. Then you've landed in the right place! Has someone left your cage open? I never pick on somebody who is unarmed. 2. 4. You might like: 17+ Savage Comebacks for Pickup Lines. Girl: Shut up. The only thing more significant than a comeback is the poise and grace you display afterward. He also chases his tail for entertainment. Are you a drill sergeant? Your pickup lines are so bad, even your mom rejected them. I hope you find someone who is good looking, honest, smart and cultural. Tell your mother to stop changing her lipstick, my d*ck looks like a rainbow. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. "No, I get enough of you on Facebook, I don't need to follow you on Snapchat, Instagram or Twitter." If youre going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard. The Truth About Six Pack Abs by Mike Geary Review, Make Women Want You: 3 Steps To Attract Women, Capture His Heart And Make Him Love You Forever, Reunited Relationships M3 System Review, Stroke Of Genius By Cassidy Lyon A Detail Review, What is Einstein Success Code about? Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me? If you dont want a sarcastic answer, dont ask a stupid question. If we continue talking to each other, I might end up dead. Well, Id better go find the best looking guy then! Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game. Guy: Hey cutie, how bout you and I hitting the hot spots?Girl: Sorry, I dont date outside my species. Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? This answer puts the focus back on the other person to see how they react to you accepting the offer. 1. You cant fix ugly. Sorry, I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue. 31. you are a gangster A truly humble life. I believe in business before pleasure. Dont try to think too hard. Remember, if anyone says youre beautiful, its all lies. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room. Id rather treat my babys diaper rash than have lunch with you. 38. Do Not Buy Rocket Spanish Before reading this! 93. Remember when I asked for your opinion? If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. But I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. I am sorry. Use them at your own risk! Its good that you dont let education get in the way of your ignorance. In the face. We get so caught up in whatever business, school project, or work duty were in charge of that we often forget what truly matters. 33. 8. I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. Youre basically bathed in oil. This is why everyone talks behind your back. 71. You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail. He was so narrow-minded. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. This comeback is best for situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. Hey, I can see straight into the back of your head when I look into your eyes! Hey, you have something on your chin. Yb Better + Ratio + Loud = funny bozos (Suggest sum stuff you would want me to upload in the comments), The ultimate Gears of War soundboard featuring clips from your favorite COG and Locust characters. If you are twice as smart as you are now show that you are stupid. Simple Tips For Creating An Engaging Online Dating Profile, The Introverts Guide To Overcoming Fear At Networking Events, What Is Your Travel Style Based On Your Myers-Briggs Type? Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. I bet if you were standing on the corner. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? 74. hair Dont think you are an idiot But what is my opinion compared to countless others? Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today? 9. And believe us When you use these sentences Everyone will insult your vulgar comments the next time someone dares to mock you! Youre not as bad as people say, youre worse. No, the 3rd one down. Ive heard you like to talk big. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); You may find one, 96. 48. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you go on a date together first before you will suck anything. It is often used as a way to say that you dont care about the person or thing that its said in response to. Category: Movies The smartest thing to come out of your mouth was my c*ck. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. Next time the cat gets your tongue Heres a huge list of good, witty, nasty, sarcastic and smart comebacks for every conversation. I never even listen when you tell me them. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. 1. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. 30 Images That Serve To Prove You Have A Dirty Mind! Of course, when you use your comebacks, you must be strategic. The mirror broke when you looked at it. I do not consider you a vulture. Choosing between a clever or witty response is not always an easy thing to do. Student: "By staying home" As you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place. 47. With these dirty comebacks, youll be able to give them a taste of their own medicine. dirty-minded in British English. Id give you a nasty look, but you already have one. It's not working out." Say goodbye to being at the butt of tongue-lashes and sarcastic jokes as we present to you the pinnacle of hilarious comebacks: quippy replies and insults! Lucky for you, they cant laugh, either. "Take it up with my ass because he's the only one who gives a shit." One day you might say something really smart. 36. 45. Just because Im smiling doesnt mean I dont want to hit you in the face. I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one. Tag: dirty minded comebacks. I'm going to hit you so hard even google won't be able to find you. Im lonely, not desperate. If people stand close enough to you, they must be able to hear the ocean. All you have to do is save this page. How else would you understand me? This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you are too expensive for them to handle. Guy: Your place or mine?Girl: Both. "Your wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead." More often than not saying or writing smd will come across very rudely. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Ding, hey did anyone hear that? But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others?I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. Your face is just fine, but well have to put a bag over that personality. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. 65. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. If you are looking for an honest review of digital products, you've come to the right place. Yeah, I bet you had a lot of stuff beaten out of you as a kid. No way, I dont know where that thing has been! Spending time with friends and family. Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up? Must have been a long and lonely journey. This is no battle of wits between you and me. Wanna take the joke a little far? Does the new one work now?" We hope you enjoyed our dirty comebacks! If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. Do you work at 411? No, the 3rd one below. So I packed up my stuff and right. Boy: Fuck you, you little bitch! Girl: Youre so fat!Guy: Hey, I may be fat, but youll always be ugly, and I can diet! "Wow, I bet you even fart glitter." 3. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by pretending that its something that youve been waiting for. I hear theres a new app called Sense of Humor. Please download it. Im not saying that I hate you, but Id unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile. Thats your parents job. I seem to be overestimating the number of brain cells you have. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind 38 enjoyable images for the dirty mind 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind . Thats why I root for your penis. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." A smart comeback doesnt just show your dissatisfaction. Your a** must be pretty jealous of all the sh*t that comes out of your mouth. Is your family tree a cactus? It sucks to be in such a situation. Guy: Your Ugly.Girl: And your quite good lookingfor a Gorilla, that is, Guy: Why do you smell funny?Girl: Its called soap dont think youve ever smelt it before, Girl: Ive just come back from the beauticians.Guy: Pity it was closed. 7. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Youre the reason God created the middle finger. Thats your parents job. You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. We think of you when we are lonely. Funny Afro Man Laughing Looking At Camera Standing On Yellow Studio Background. Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? Id agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. However, its not always rude. 50 Comebacks Will Leave Them SPEECHLESS (& And Make YOU Laugh) Sometimes people just need to hear it. Youre about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. Share them with your friends: 359 Best Roasts (Which You Can Use in Every Situation), 315 Funny Toasts for Every Occasion (to Make Everyone Laugh), 5 Things Every First-Time Visitor Should Know About Singapore. 51. You are like a cloud. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. I bet your doesn't pick up all the channels. I look ugly? Teacher: "How can we keep the school clean?" You might like: 15+ Good Comebacks when Someone Swears at You! Id give you a nasty look, but youve already got one. What makes for a great comeback to someone telling you smd? Id say youre funny, but looks arent everything. Whats your number?Girl: Its in the phone book. To this end, I leave you with the exquisite words of Vince Lombardi. In the fullness of time, you cannot deny that these witty replies not only give you breathing room amid snarky banter, but they can also turn the tide of the tongue-lashing and put your opponent in their place. 2. Good Comebacks You Can Use In An Argument Today Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you. I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. Never mind, its too long." Dont hate me because Im beautiful. "Tell your Mom, I said "Hi" Just refer to this post, and youll be sure to come out victorious. "If I wanted to hear what an asshole sounded like, I'd fart. Hi! I am going to let karma fuck you up." And I hope you stay there. Feb 15, 2013 - Image discovered by Ins. You see that door? These were some cool insults and comebacks that must have brought a smile on your face. 42. If a cannibal wanted to eat you, he wouldnt find anything in your brain. but want a funny bone. Man: "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen. Too bad, its just your mouth. Husband: "Only you, Darling with all the others I was awake." If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog.